A New Dance

Dancing; something I remember doing since I could walk. Something so simple that I couldn't imagine not doing it. That's how Jesus was to me, someone who always there. I was raised by the right moral; don't lie, don't cheat, don't cuss-- that's all I knew. Just like dancing; I knew that was a Jesus but, where was He? My Sunday School teacher once said, "He's in Heaven, where God is." OK, new question; Who is God? I was told that God is the one who created the Heaven and the Earth; the plants and the animals; and the people. Oh, that's who God is, right. I was only five years old, how else was I suppose to know? I grew up in church, singing old hymnals, going to Sunday school; you know like everybody else does. However, it wasn't until I was in fifth grade that I began to fully question what it meant to be a Christian.

Fifth grade, the same year when the twin towers fell. You could say that I got a small, small fraction of the rest world. Why did they fly two planes in those buildings? I was singing the invitational after 9/11; like I always did. My aunt leaned over to me and asked me, "Do you want to go up there?" I looked to see the preacher talking to someone. Yeah I what that meant. They were asking 'Jesus' into their life. Sure why not? It makes lives better right? I went to the preacher and told him that I wanted Jesus in my life too. I prayed and everyone came up to me and congratulating me. The older ladies were hugging me and giving me kisses, their lipstick coloring my cheeks; pretty yucky if you could ask me back then. They also told me how proud they were of me. What? They didn't even know who I was. I was fully aware that I was getting baptized; my favorite part. I could remember as a younger kid, playing in the baptism pool when there wasn't any water at the old church that I had attended before then. I got baptized and had a class on Wednesday nights as a new Christian and how to react in certain situations. It was fun and I liked it, but later as I grew older, that my heart wasn't right.

Eighth grade, the hardest year of my life. No it wasn't the grades. I found out that my aunt that had practically raised me had cancer. I happened to be at One Weekend, a church camp that only lasted for one weekend. I was singing, once again when I felt a tug from inside. I knew that I truly didn't accept Christ as my One and Only Savior. I talked to my youth leader about it; and once again, said a prayer. Although I was so emotional about it, my heart still wasn't true to myself.I still did the same 'ole same 'ole.

Now reflecting back on this I realized that I was dancing with the wrong partner. The motions weren't right. What was wrong with this picture? What could I do to fix this situation? I needed a new partner, badly.

Finally, the summer between my sophomore and junior year was here. For the third year in a row I was going to a camp called Centrifuge with one of m best friends. I went mainly because I could and to go somewhere besides Kentucky. Sure, God was in my mind; but not in my heart. During one of the night services, the speaker asked us one question: ' If Christ came tonight, where would you stand?' He then asked if there was anyone who wanted to say that they wanted to stand with Jesus and to truly repent of their sins to stand up. Needless to say I wasn't one of those people; yet. As I sat in the chair thinking about what I had just heard, millions of questions popped in my head. Am I really truly saved? Is there something different in my life that others can see a change? Am I one of those people who are going to Heaven or Hell? The answer to those three questions was no. I wasn't truly saved. There wasn't a change in my life that others could tell there was a difference. I knew that I was going to Hell. I was dancing with Satan and I had had enough. My eyes were opened and I could see that my steps were wrong. Before I knew it, it was already too late; it was time to go to our church devotion time. I kicked myself in the rear mentally, I just knew that I wouldn't get that chance tomorrow. Although I had given up on my new realization, God didn't. He saw me in my pathetic attempt to out dance Satan by myself. And in the midst of losing my dancing partner in life, I gained the most amazing one there was. The next night, an unexpected event happened. The speaker told the auditorium full of students that he had not planned to do it again. He had said that he felt the Holy Spirit tug at his heart to ask who wanted that relationship with Christ. Once again he asked if we were to die tonight or tomorrow, where will we go? He opened an invitation for any who wanted to stand. i stood, and this I understood where I was going. I wasn't going to Hell; I was going to the Kingdom of God. A place that I could call home.

As I look back on my testimony, I realized that god put all my situations exactly how He wanted them to be for a reason. When I chose Him to be my life dance partner; I knew that my steps would be right. And I know now that even though I've done some pretty stupid stuff since becoming a Christian, I know that if I truly repent of that sin or sins that I will be forgiven and it will be forgotten. Each step of the dance choreographed that Jesus has set for me is a growing experience and i know that I have to work harder the more Satan tries to make me stumble and fall. So when I meet God face-to-face and He looks at my dance that Jesus will tell Him, " She has danced to glorify You."